Many of my yoga teachers talk about this notion that no deed or act is ever too small. In my mind, it’s kind of like a ripple effect. The basic premise of this is that one small act can cause a ripple effect which can have an enormous impact on one person. One smile to a passerby on the street could make their whole day. One “thank you” can speak volumes.
In my case, I’ve felt this ripple effect and impact of my life and passion for music with a good ol’ totem named Brian. I’m in disbelief that a totem of all things has established the legacy that it has, which has not only allowed him as a person to live and vicariously through our group, but it has allowed him to have been able to captivate a new and growing group of people. Brian isn’t just growing as a totem, he is thriving. And simultaneously, I’m on a similar journey in my own life. Along with Brian’s re-emergence and coming of age this summer, has, strange enough, come my own.
The inside joke that never ended between a group of friends, a local band and a music editor (BF you are STILL the man) has blossomed, or, it has created ripples. I feel it is my duty to give you, the fans of F4L, the true scoop of what he, this totem, has been up to. Not just because I’m sick of answering the question every time I see someone at a show, but because part two of this epic story deserves to be told. And to the people who have stood behind him and me from the beginning.
What’s crazy, is that this story is escalating in fame. (Not really but a girl can dream right?) This summer, we, the humble writers of F4L secured our first official celebrity fans outside of our friend group—the Jamestown Revival, who lovingly called the totem, “big head Brian.”
But before we get there, let’s time travel back to May when Brian started out the summer in a state of pain. You see, he wasn’t in the best of shape from his wears and tears of 2015. He looked a little shitty. Ok, he looked REALLY shitty. His face had become a wobbly on his REI tent-pole and the CU-Boulder duct tape on his back and love note from Team Terrance (read more about that from last summer here) had gotten prettay crusty.
Just like Brian, the past few months locked away hasn’t been the easiest for me. I too had gone through a series of ups and downs. In the midst of this, I found myself living in a new area of Denver, best friendless (should out to Brian’s #1 fan who is now living in Switzerland but still managing to faceswap with him on Snapchat, as seen below) and frankly, Brianless. I didn’t know where he was and somehow in my move I had misplaced my dear totem friend. I’m embarrassed to admit that I didn’t think anything of it. I thought that the joke had served its purpose because it was no longer serving me. I’m ashamed of my selfishness in this thought because it couldn’t have been further from the truth.
I returned back to the ‘Roo farm for the first year in 6 without my best friend and without Brian. I really I didn’t think a lot of it—after all it was a new year and a new experience and I wanted to treat it as such. To put it point blank: I thought the inside joke had reached its maximum potential. I didn’t think it could get any better. That, is where we can all learn something. It can always get better. My actions and ripples had effected others and more than I had realized. To quote Frank Sinatra maybe, “the best is yet to come.” Maybe the ripples are just beginning and continuing to grow. Inch by inch.
As we all unpacked our camping gear, Anna, one of the girls in the original Brian crew, casually grabbed the trusty totem from her bag and set him up on a canopy. Immediately I was shocked. Wait a second. Where the hell did Brian come from? I thought I had lost him. Thoughts clouded my mind as I got teary eyed. I immediately asked, “Where did you find Brian? I thought I lost him.” She explained that Michelle, the best friend who had moved halfway across the world, had made it a personal point before her departure to hunt down Brian AND to drive him to Anna to ensure that the tale and legend would live on and he would make an appearance to Bonnaroo—even in her absence.
This was a pivotal turning point for me. It’s when I began to realize that Brian had become SO much bigger than me and my perspective of the world. It was the first ripple. He was a symbol of what can happen when people feel like they are a part of something greater than them. And in that moment, Michelle wanted to live on at Bonnaroo the same way that Brian wanted to live on at SXSW with the Epilogue boys when life came up and he couldn’t be there to experience the fest. Michelle had had life come up similarly but wanted more than anything for the show to go on. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Alright, I thought, #brianatbonnaroo is back. Let’s do this. Time to make this the best one yet and live in the presence.
Brian witnessed a really special Bonnaroo this summer. The vibes were mellow, the crowds were smaller, the weather was hot but the space felt irregularly magical. I don’t know if it was because the lineup was alternative and lacked mainstream headliners who would attract the teeny boppers or if it was because there are so many amazing festivals to check out but it was one that couldn’t be easily replicated. Experiencing the Dead & Co closeout the fest for 4 hours straight with my whole 25 person crew is something I’ll never, ever forget (and belting out Tennessee Jed IN Tennessee.) Getting down to the 3 (yes count em’ THREE) GRiZ sets (he played a secret set at the Kalliope stage Thursday & featured the SpongeBob Squarepants theme song, during his publicly allotted time on the Which stage Friday and THEN at an impromptu campground session) was everything. As was Chance’s guest appearance of Coloring Book at the Silent Disco. In true Roo’ form, Brian ended up dirtier than ever AND with a multi colored glitter beard. True to tradition, we had to add something to his look. He met a few other totems and a handful of Brians. At one point security gave us shit (who does that?!) and wouldn’t let us take our friendly totem-ed face inside. So out of desperation we hid him under a nearby RV at the entrance. In hindsight, it led to an interesting experience at LCD Soundsystem because we couldn’t find each other- his worth was truly shown- and we instantly felt relieved once we snagged him on our way home that night. Right before Ellie Goulding, it started to downpour so we hid B (again) underneath the corner of a food stand. We couldn’t chance NOT bringing him back in again. We found him tangled in a bunch of chords but like the true majestic totem that he is, he was in mint (ok not mint but decent) condition. We felt right at home, per usual, and somehow I found that I had made it through my first Roo without Michelle.
At any rate, here’s some pics of the crew with B at the ‘Roo.
This is our entire 25 person Roo crew during Dead & Co. You can see B peepin’ in the top left corner.
And here he is cuddling in the Grove with Brit.
Patiently waiting for the incredible Tennessee themed Superjam curated by the amazing Kamasi Washington.
Raging at one of Griz’s fifty million sets.
Chillin’ in Centeroo
Post Roo, we didn’t have time to focus on getting back to pristine conditions because one of my favorite events was that following weekend: Westword Music Showcase. It was symbolically important for Brian to make a triumphant return to the fest to see the people who created him, including himself. (Word, that’s pretty weird to write.)
As we were walking the streets of South Broadway, we heard some epic bands (Cold War Kids and the Eldren boys (my favorites) killed it) and stumbled upon the Epilogues who were so excited to see “BF” (Brian Frederick- the actual totem’s name and face) that they all shouted “HEY IT’S BF” immediately when they saw us. We exchanged hugs and laughs and endless jokes. It’s so fun to think that they feel as connected to the story as we do as the F4L crowd does. After all, they birthed him. One could even say that they are his mother(s?) The main point here, we’re all fans of the guy. Here’s one of my instagram posts from the moment we ran into each other.
The Epilogues and Brian Frederick (the real one) started posting about it a lot on Facebook, chronicaling him rocking out during the day and our friend Lindsey snapped a pic of him in his glory at Grizfolk’s set for the Westword Instagram (see below).
As each one of these events happened, I’ve been taken back. Brian seeks out attention- both IRL and on the web and does it without even trying. He’s just a friendly dude and people are gravitated towards him. As I think about WHY people like this totem and story (we sure as hell know it’s isn’t the swankiest totem on the block), I think it’s cuz he is relatable. It’s REAL. We’re REAL. This story REEKS REALNESS. And others can connect to and want to be a part of that REALNESS. They know it’ll be an epic story. He looks like your best friend, your boyfriend, or just a nice guy. The crazy part, is that over the past year as I’ve gotten to know the REAL Brian Frederick, I can say that the face really does him justice. He is as sweet and real in person.
Brian was ready to go to a new festival this year, Vertex which was put on by the Electric Forest folks. I WAS PUMPED for this lineup because I love Rufus and Anderson.Paak a lot. Brian found himself getting DOWN to so many amazing shows in Buena Vista, playing in a house full of balloons and even managed to make his way to a late night AViVA set, battling it out with a dude with a fork totem. Here’s a pic of the scene at some absurd hour of the night.
Interestingly, friends of friends at this point had read Brian’s original article and I found myself seldom holding him as the totem throughout the fest. This was yet another sign that the legacy of Brian was growing to be so much larger than me. It was beautiful, watching the ripples grow in front of my eyes. I love watching my friends new to the joke explain it to strangers who stop them too- everyone tells it in a different way making sure to add their own thoughts and take on it.
During Vertex, my friend Julie gifted me a cloth boy scout-like name tag with the name “BRIAN”. I laughed so hard when I saw it- it was so funny to me that she HAD to buy it for me to add to the totem. I’ve yet to find out how to tactfully add it, but I will. He’ll wear that shit with pride. It’s another sign of his battle scars.
As the end of summer approached, I found myself returning back to my favorite place in Colorado, the mystical and magical land of Telluride. With a mix of new and old homies, we took on Blues & Brews by force. Brian really became center stage in Telluride, per usual as the seldom totem, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Here’s some documentation:
Brenna vs Brian in a stare off. Who was to win?
Jamming out to Anders Osborne and the North Mississippi Allstars.
Some of the homies during the set:
Seeing that I was writing for F4L during the weekend, I was able to seek out words of wisdom from a handful of the musicians who were playing. We spoke about love and life and inspiration beneath yellow tinted Aspens. Not a bad gig.
As I spoke to Jonathon and Zach from Jamestown Revival, I told them about Brian the totem. They were so into the story that they told us they better see him during their set and that they’d give him a shout out. And, boy, a shout out did they give. Zach mentioned halfway through their set to the crowd to “look at that huge face, that totem, big head Brian. I’ve heard there’s lot of legends about him, he’s a big deal.” My jaw dropped and I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face. This was greater and grander than I had ever imagined. The main stage camera filmed him and kept an eye on him throughout the during of the rest of the set and we had swarms of people approach us after to ask about his origin story. Fellows old and new wanted to know WHO “big head Brian” was and WHY on earth Jamestown Revival were calling him out.
WAS THIS REAL LIFE? WERE WE GETTING PERSONAL LOVE DURING A SET FOR A TOTEM WITH TWO RICH YEARS OF MUSIC LOVING AND HISTORY? DID I PEAK IN THAT MOMENT? WAS THIS THE BEST MOMENT OF MY MUSIC CAREER? I think we were, it was, and it was officially all downhill from there. Maybe my life’s purpose has been fulfilled in the telling of this tale. Maybe the ripples had reached their maximum growth. Someone needed to pinch me, I must have been dreaming. In that moment, everything was perfect.
On top of it all, Jamestown Revival are such kick ass cool humans. Here’s a pic of your favorite F4L gals with the Jamestown guys, aka Brian’s #1 new fans.
And here’s a pic of their heartfelt, CCR inspired, sing out loud set:
To end, I don’t know what the future holds for Brian (or even me) but I know it’s not boring. I know we’ve only just begun and I also know, now more than ever, that what we do can cause great effects on others. One small act of silliness or kindness doesn’t go unnoticed. One makeshift totem can make someones day. Maybe my purpose in this world is to make everyone else’s lives are lived a little bit easier. Or sillier. If I can do that from a totem, or create the totem that keeps on giving, well then shit, I’ll take it. That’s is powerful.
And with that, Brian has concluded his 2016 festival season. Maybe 2017 will bring a new look, or maybe this joke will die. Who knows? The one thing I do know is that Brian is a tried and true way of showing the importance of community, and the strong Colorado music community at that. It doesn’t matter what genre you love, we support each other in a unique way.
It’s so powerful when you can go in your own direction and in sincere confidence. Just like Brian, I’ve been able to do that this year and particularly this summer. I’m so incredibly grateful for that, and for my ability to continue to spend time enjoying music and connecting to others as human beings, who all want to be a part of a joke, as small (or larger) as one involving a festival totem.
